Doubles

I have been struggling lately. I am a teacher, yet I am a student. I am an adult, but many see me as a child. I have experienced a lot in my life but there are days when I feel like I have no experience at all. There are days I have it all together and days that it's all falling apart. I am living a life of doubles. I am struggling to fit in the mold that has always been laid out for me. I am flawed.

This semester has proved to me that even no matter how hard you try, you can't always be perfect. And that's okay. I leave my house in the morning, clothes strung across the bed, dishes piling out of the sink, and dust accumulating on multiple surfaces. But I am filled with joy because my students will file into my room each day and ask me questions about the book that they know I'm reading, have me help them figure out how they fit into their own mold, and allow me to embrace their flaws like I should my own.

I am too hard on myself most days. I am filled with guilt knowing that I am not getting every single little thing I want to get done before I go to bed. I don't have the energy. Or I literally just don't want to. But how can I expect my students to have pride in themselves when I am failing to have pride in myself? I am so quick to shame myself for various things, that I fail to encourage myself for anything positive.

So how does one figure out their own mold? Are we always supposed to fit? How does one lift themselves up when they are trying so hard to tear themselves down? I am flawed. But I am trying hard. By becoming a happier, better person I have the ability to become a much more inspiring teacher. One day at a time.

Falling Off the Wagon

Somewhere along the way, I thought writing a blog would be good for me. I need to be writing and interacting with words as much as possible and I knew that blogging would be a great way for me to do that. So I tried. But like most new and different things in my life, I pushed it off to the side because "I can get to it later." So I'm guessing later is now?

I'm at a really great point to hop back on and get things started again. It's a new year and although I haven't set any specific resolutions, I think it's always good to get things back in order. I am also a couple days away from starting student teaching and I would love to be able to share that journey in a way that others can experience it and I can look back on it later.

So here I am, back in the game. I am going to make my attempt to take this much more seriously this time. So here's to a new year, new beginnings, and a fresh start!

Hiatus

Let's be honest. We all go through life and at some point think, "Hey, this is a great idea! I'll do this!" And when you set out to do it, you approach it with gusto and then slowly flake out. So it took me all of two blog posts to sort of, give up. This blog was something I have been wanting to start for years. But I kept holding back because I was afraid I would start something and not finish it. With a blog, that's easy to do. So easy. So I'm embarrassed that I let it happen so quickly. But I'm really hoping to get my head back in the game! So I hope that I am more serious this time around and don't wait months to post again.

Since the move, life hasn't slowed down, not one bit. After the move, school approached quickly. Because fall is recruitment period for my sorority and I was a recruitment chair, I was so busy I didn't even have time to think of leisurely writing. Combine that with school and writing seemed impossible. Then combine that with work and other meetings, this was just not happening. I know I'm making excuses and justifying my poor decision, but things have slowed down a bit and I think I'm back to a more comfortable period of time to start writing again. For me.

So here I am, senior year, and life is not stopping for anybody. Not even me. I am taking excellent courses, learning more about myself as a future teacher, and loving every minute of it! I am being challenged in new ways and I couldn't be more excited about it! I am really involved in my sorority this semester and I am so glad that I can share so many wonderful experiences with nearly 150 women. Seriously, 150?! It's incredible.

So here's to me trying to achieve my goals and write in the process. Hopefully this time I won't fall so short.

Apartment and Moving Woes

I remember moving into my first place, packing what I needed, gathering hand-me-down furniture, and scouring rummage sales (literally as I was moving my things, I stopped and got a TV stand) for things I might need.

Looking back, I remember thinking “I don’t have enough stuff to fill an apartment.” I laugh at my 20 year old self. I have SO much crap that I have accumulated in just two short years living on my own. How on earth did I manage to expand my movie collection to over 300 titles? Why does the English Major in me insist that I continue to buy books when I already have bookshelves full?

But here I am, less than a week from moving into a new apartment, and I am swamped. Anyone who knows me is familiar with my anxiety, stress, obsessive compulsions, or neurotic behaviors. Whatever you want to call it, I like to freak out and have meltdowns a little too much than I would like to admit. Finding a place to live has been the longest journey and it’s not even close to being over.

Finding a place to live took over a month, situating move-in move-out dates was a struggle, and now packing is my biggest burden. My roommate and I plan on doing most of the moving, which will be entertaining nonetheless. Between both of us working, having two smaller vehicles, and little to no arm strength, we have committed to moving our abundance of crap into an upstairs apartment in two days.

Despite the struggle, moving has given me something to do with my summer without feeling totally worthless. I am hoping to post about some AMAZING ideas that we have found, come up with, and used during our move. Until then, stay hydrated in this excruciatingly hot weather!

My First Post

So here it is, my first blog post. I have dabbled around with the idea of starting a blog for most of my college career. Between classes, exams, intern work, and constant meetings, I kept pushing it off until “later.” Well it’s now my senior year and I feel like “later” has arrived.

I couldn’t be more excited to start this journey as a means of reflecting and sharing interesting ideas and stories to whoever is kind enough to read this blog. I think this is a great way for me to stop and think about the positive things in life, which is what I’ll be sharing with you folks!

So I find myself what I should share with you first? I’m moving into my senior year of college. That’s right, one more year until I am officially in the “real world.” I couldn’t be more excited to start my career as an English Teacher. However, until then, I have the great joy of spending a year with my lovely sorority sisters, taking a few more classes, and continuing to better myself.

I hope you all enjoy what I have to share in the future and are ready to read about this crazy, amazing journey that I call my life!